120404

I stand alone and scared in front of this overwhelming pile of rocks with a decision to make. I must get to the top of this mountain. Everything inside of me desires what awaits me at its peak. It calls to me. I lie awake at night dreaming of the day when I will finally come to rest where clouds meet rock.

I look to my left only to find what looks to be a million people clustered around a loading station. One by one the ski lift carries the people to the top. I do a quick calculation in my head. Tears come to surface as I come to the devastating realization that it could be months, even years before my turn would come up. I can't wait that long. Or more accurately, I DON'T WANT to wait that long.

There is one more alternative. I slowly roll my head to the left, hoping for another option than the one I know I am about to face. I wipe the water from my eyes, and stare up at the rockiest steepest mountain side I have ever seen. I wipe my eyes again, hoping that I am somehow dreaming. But the mountain side still stood strong before me. I walk to the base and look up. I take a deep breath and start climbing. First my right hand, then my left. I throw my foot up and find a sturdy rock to hold my weight. Before I realize it, I am well of the ground and on my way. At this rate I’ll be at the top in no time.

I start to laugh and silently mock the people below who are patiently waiting their turn. Then I glance at the top to see all the people basking in the happiness of their success. Scenes flash in my mind of different conversations. Their advice all rings the same. Ha, I laugh at them.

Hours go by and although I have managed to climb quite high, no matter how much distance I gain, I can never seem to get any closer to my destination. What started out as fun and harmless has turned into a complete physical and emotional struggle. I am awakened to the falseness of my delusion. I cling to the mountain as tightly as I held onto the lie that I would be able to do this alone. I think back to the moment I first looked at the long line. The tears then seemed like a trickle compared to the down pour that flowed over my cheeks like a waterfall.

My body trembled. I could go no further. My hands raw from the rocks; my legs were bloody. Everything from my hair to my toe nails ached as I let out a cry of defeat. Rocks start to slide under my fingers as I realize I am losing my grip. My fingers grasp the rock. I fight to find a ledge for my feet. No luck. This is it. I cry for help. No answer.

I glance up to the top one last time, as I exhale a silent goodbye. Goodbye to my hopes. Goodbye to my dreams. Goodbye to my happy ending. The pain in my heart greatens as I become conscious to the fact that I had brought all of this upon myself. I am seconds from a rocky doom all because I had been too impatient in this certain area of my life.

A surge of pain runs through my body as my ears recognize a very distinct sound. It was a familiar voice; a strong voice, yet ever so gentle. I could barely hear the words He spoke, but at the same time having never heard anything so clear. I remembered the voice from my dreams. This voice was the reason I was so in love with the mountain peak. I listened to the sounds of happiness. I heard the promises that awaited me. He filled my ears with the sweet song of passion. He had saved a place for me at the top, and all He asked of me was my trust.

“Just put your faith in me.” He whispered sweetly in my dreams. “I will give you all of this and so much more, my child. Be patient, your time will come.”

Reality sets in as my foot slips and I start to slide a little further down the side of the mountain. I push back the pain in a desperate search for that sound, His voice. What is He saying?

“Let go. Let go. My child, just let go.”

The crying is uncontrollable now. The pain is unbearable.

“I can’t.” I scream back.

“You can’t, or you won’t?”

I shut my eyes and ears to the world as I play over in my head our conversation. I swallow the lump in my throat and take a deep breath, my body goes limp.

I let go.

I am eerily relaxed as I fall. Everything about this moment is peaceful. For the first time all day everything seemed right. I am free only to be reminded that in a few seconds I would come crashing back down to the place where this whole adventure had started; although, my condition would be far worse then when I had begun. I stopped breathing as I waited for impact. After some time had gone by I reopened my eyes to investigate. I couldn’t see where I was. I wasn’t falling anymore. I was standing upright. Everything was blurry. My hands were clean, not a scratch to be seen. My body no longer ached. I felt rejuvenated. Maybe I am dead, I thought briefly.

I walked forward through the clouds. I came to an edge. No, it couldn’t be. I couldn’t be standing on the exact mountain that I had just fallen from. But I was. Instant tears covered my eyes. I slowly regained consciousness, and immediately the questions flooded my head. What’s going on? What happened? How did I get here?

Then I heard Him speak.

“My child, I caught you in my hands and I carried you to the top just like I have promised. There is nothing good I would hold from you. I will fill every desire of your heart. But, it will be in my perfect timing. The top was in your reach all along. All you had to do was let go.”